Weight Watchers again

I've recommitted to my weight loss again. Feeling like crap all the time is just no good for anyone, especially me. It leaks into EVERYTHING! So last night I went back even tho I've regained ALL that I lost last year plus about 10 lbs. But, I'm excited once again and hopefully by summer I can be back to where I was in the fall of last year. I will be adding a weight tracker to my side bar again to help keep me motivated and hopefully this stupid weather will break and I will be able to get out and start walking again.

Here's to SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Being Productive

I LOVE when I have been productive. As I type:

*My tea is brewing.

*I have high-fiber oatmeal chocolate chip pancakes for Mufin's (Emily) breakfast tomorrow cooling on a rack. (Wednesdays are pancake/waffle day.)

*I started a batch of whole wheat sourdough starter to make the Ultimate Amazing Bread that Candy from Keeping the Home makes (see link to her blog on my sidebar). *I have Oatmeal bread dough going in my bread maker. I only use my maker to do the dough. I then remove it into a regular loaf pan for the second rise and bake a traditionally shaped loaf. I just don't like the shape of the pan in my breadmarker nor do I like having a hole in my loaf from the mixer paddle.

*Dinner is planned and thawing. Today's menu is grilled pork steaks, tater tot bake and probably steamed cabbage. Dessert/snack will be fresh fruit. Sidenote: I got a great deal on meat at Cub Foods last weekend. Ended up being about $1.41 per MEAL! Woohoo!

I've been making my own bread again for a couple of weeks now. I'm just starting to have a need to know what is going into the food I am putting into my family's bodies and making an effort to make from scratch anything that I can.

I spoke with Bob and mom yesterday about plans for a garden this year. I told Bob that I want him to teach me how to can as my birthday gift. I'm not sure exactly what will be in the garden but I know that tomatoes, green beans and turnips will most likely make the list. I would also like to try growing dried beans.

Must scoot, bread will be ready any minute for transfer to pans.

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Later that day....

Ready for the rise: Heading to the oven:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, can you smell it? Fresh baked bread. The loaves in the picture look a little dark and they are somewhat but they aren't burnt. The recipe that I am using has molasses in it so it is a darker bread. Now, this batch was kind of an experiment. The recipe calls for 3 cups of bread flour and I substituted 1 cup of whole wheat flour for 1 of the cups of bread flour. Haven't cut into it yet but we'll see how much of a difference it made texture wise. The last loaf I made was soft & fluffy. This one may be more dense. Have a blessed day,

Feelin' Like A Yo-Yo

In another blog that I frequent, the lady said that she feels like a yo-yo. One day she is up and the next she is down. While I pray that I never experience her type of yo-yo (her daughter drowned in a swimming accident last July-see "Life With Hannah and Lily" blog on the right), I can still relate to the up and down thing. Last night and this morning we are on a yo going up.

These next two days are ALL thing recital. Last night we practiced the hair. Emily sat perfectly still while I rolled her hair on these really cool spongy type rollers that look nothing like a roller at all. Thought I'd take a picture and show you:

Here is her hair "on rollers":

She started out sleeping on her tummy, saying the rollers hurt her head. But, by the time I went to bed she was comfortably laying on her back.

I thought this picture turned out cool. I didn't use a flash and it was actually completely dark when I downloaded it onto the computer. I went into my photo editing software and fixed the levels and contrast and came up with this....kinda cool I think!

As I usually do on the eve of important events, I had a dream. This one was about the hair. In this dream, we took the rollers out and her hair was still stick straight.

This morning she got up about 3o min. early wondering when we were going to see her curly hair. So here is the end result.

I sprayed it with hair spray 3 times and we shall see how it looks for dress rehearsal tonight. Tomorrow, I'll wait until we are just ready to leave to take it down and hopefully it will last for the two shows at 2 & 7 PM.

Also today, I must fix her costume. I have been procrastinating for over a week. All I have to do is tack the tassel to the costume in two spots. The way I've been putting it off, you would think I was having to make the whole silly costume!

One of THOSE mornings

What a difference a couple of days make. Saturday, Emily and I had such a great morning and this morning was totally opposite. There are days when I wonder why God thought I was fit to be a mother. I wanted a child so badly and now I don't know what to do with her. This was not the way it was "supposed" to be. In my mind I was going to be the perfect mother. You know the one-playing games, taking her to the park, fingerpainting, reading EVERY night before bed.... But who am I now-the angry, some days can't stand to be around her, saying things that I can't take back mom. I'm crying as I write this, who have I become? I know there are others out there like me, angry. My friends just say it is normal, they all lose their tempers with their kids. I don't think they understand the feelings I have. I don't think it is normal-the things I say and do sure don't feel NORMAL!

I'm reading a book right now entitled "She's Gonna Blow-Real Help For Moms Dealing With Anger" ......hoping to find the answer. Can't read it fast enough, need help today.

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter with all of my heart and would give up my life for her but there is something there, something missing between her and I, some missing link....