One of THOSE mornings

What a difference a couple of days make. Saturday, Emily and I had such a great morning and this morning was totally opposite. There are days when I wonder why God thought I was fit to be a mother. I wanted a child so badly and now I don't know what to do with her. This was not the way it was "supposed" to be. In my mind I was going to be the perfect mother. You know the one-playing games, taking her to the park, fingerpainting, reading EVERY night before bed.... But who am I now-the angry, some days can't stand to be around her, saying things that I can't take back mom. I'm crying as I write this, who have I become? I know there are others out there like me, angry. My friends just say it is normal, they all lose their tempers with their kids. I don't think they understand the feelings I have. I don't think it is normal-the things I say and do sure don't feel NORMAL!

I'm reading a book right now entitled "She's Gonna Blow-Real Help For Moms Dealing With Anger" ......hoping to find the answer. Can't read it fast enough, need help today.

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter with all of my heart and would give up my life for her but there is something there, something missing between her and I, some missing link....

T.G.I.F.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so glad it is Friday! This week has flown by yet been sooooo long. The deck is coming along (see pictures) but I guess we weren't supposed to start it until we actually HAD a building permit, applying for it and paying for it doesn't count. I KNOW there are people around us who never even got a building permit to build their deck or have their pool installed. Why is it that the people who actually follow the rules are the same ones that run into problems.

Then I just got a call from the pool installer guy and he informs me that if we do our own grade work to level the ground (to save $216) and it is more than 1" off...he's going to charge us $150 plus $24 per inch is it off. Cheap pool is becoming increasingly expense. OH...AND, Verizon's telephone line runs right smack thru the middle of the pool and they are charging us $130 to move the line......UUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

On a bright note, I almost have Emily's summer clothes out and the winter ones packed away. Only been working on it since Tuesday! This project has had our bedroom a complete disaster since then.

Emily and I had a moment again this morning, go figure, it was while NOT brushing her teeth again. She has, however, now decided that she likes the minty taste of our toothpaste. She was very excited to blow her minty fresh breath on me after finally getting the job done.

Delmar got a clean bill of health at his 6 week post op checkup this morning and is free to resume normal activities-as if he hadn't already ;0)

HHHHMMMMMM.....

"When our children’s requests are reasonable or good, let’s not say no just because saying yes would be inconvenient." (From Parenting at the Speed of Life by Rick Osborne)

Wow! How often have I been guilty of this? Way too many times to count. Sometimes I'm able to stop after I've said no to something and say to myself, "what would it hurt?" Then let her do it. Silly things like playing with PlayDoh. It makes such a mess...little balls of dough all over, on the table, the carpet. And don't get me started on glitter! But....IT'S JUST DOUGH and GLITTER!!! It will vacuum up, it can be washed.

I read this in an article this morning while trying to figure out AGAIN how to discipline Emily. We had another battle this morning. All I wanted was for her to go brush her teeth (she was loitering over breakfast and the bus was coming soon). And she started in, BUT...BUT...BUT! I lost it! Then Delmar chimes in! Bad move on his part. I told him I would appreciate it if I started a "battle" with Emily that he let me finish it. His response: "your way is working out so well for you isn't it." UUUGGGHHHH!!!!

So anyway, I've been online all morning researching the Focus on the Family website trying to find the answer.....