One of THOSE mornings

What a difference a couple of days make. Saturday, Emily and I had such a great morning and this morning was totally opposite. There are days when I wonder why God thought I was fit to be a mother. I wanted a child so badly and now I don't know what to do with her. This was not the way it was "supposed" to be. In my mind I was going to be the perfect mother. You know the one-playing games, taking her to the park, fingerpainting, reading EVERY night before bed.... But who am I now-the angry, some days can't stand to be around her, saying things that I can't take back mom. I'm crying as I write this, who have I become? I know there are others out there like me, angry. My friends just say it is normal, they all lose their tempers with their kids. I don't think they understand the feelings I have. I don't think it is normal-the things I say and do sure don't feel NORMAL!

I'm reading a book right now entitled "She's Gonna Blow-Real Help For Moms Dealing With Anger" ......hoping to find the answer. Can't read it fast enough, need help today.

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter with all of my heart and would give up my life for her but there is something there, something missing between her and I, some missing link....

A Great Mother's Day Weekend

Emily and I had a great Saturday morning and have decided that we will do the same thing every Saturday that Delmar has to work at the bank. First we ran all of our errands (postoffice, bank, Walmart) and then we went to the Farmer's Market on the square. We bought 2 yummy breads, some cookies and a cinnamon roll. We also took our first trip to the public library and checked out books using Emily's very own library card.

Saturday afternoon, my mom took me out for a Mother's Day luncheon at La Tea Da. It is a tea room here in Clinton. It was so neat! We started out with Strawberry soup and a Sweet Cream Scone with vanilla custard-delicious! Then we moved on to Salad Greens with plum-peary passion dressing. The main course was a bunch of little sandwiches and nibbles-Cherub's chicken salad on a croissant, Ginger peach salsa bites, Praline turkey tea sandwich, Cucumber tea sandwich, Prosciutto mozzarella roll-up and a chicken puff that was out of this world!!!! We ended with desserts-Carrot cake, Chocolate raspberry bar, Fresh fruit bar and Snickerdoodle truffle cookie-cake.

The entire luncheon was awesome and we met some lovely ladies from Bloomington, Lincoln and Champaign. After lunch, mom treated me to a movie and we saw "Made of Honor" with Patrick Dempsey from Grey's Anatomy. It was a cute movie.

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Sunday morning we woke and went to first service at church so we could get home to fix lunch for mom & Bob. But before we went, Emily brought me my cards and gifts. She got me a $50 giftcard to Hallmark so I can buy another piece to my Willow nativity. I can't wait to go shopping! Also, she made me this awesome butterfly with her hands and it has the best poem on it that really made me stop and think...

The poem reads:

Sometime I'm like a butterfly, I flutter to and fro. I just can't seem to be content, I'm always on the go. I can't stay still in my cocoon, I'm struggling to be free. I want to please you every day, But I can't hide from me. I guess I have a lot to learn, Just need to try my wings. And as I flutter all about, I'm learning many things. This time I have a purpose, I'm fluttering your way. I want to wish to you, A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

WOW!!! I have decided to frame it and hang it in my bedroom to read every day and remember how special my little girl is.

Emily funny-

This morning, Emily was lying on the swing with her princess pillow and blanket. After realizing I hadn't really heard a peep out of her for about 30 minutes, I wondered if she had fallen back to sleep. As I walked thru the kitchen, I realized that she was still on the deck and playing with the tools that Delmar had left out.

Mommy: "Please don't play with daddy's tools."

Emily: "But I'm playing HANDY MANNY, there is Stretch (points to the tape measure), here is Squeeze (holds up a pair of pliers). I only need a few more.

Mommy: "Well, Pat (the hammer) is over there on the ledge."

By the time she was done, she had Felipe and Turner too-both screwdrivers. She was just missing Rusty (the pipe wrench) and Dusty (the saw)-I'm sure that was for the best.

Casual School Picture

It still slays me that they now have pictures taken twice each year. Oh well, it's cute anyway!

God's Promise to Noah

As we were heading home from dance last night (only 1 more class to go before recital, yea!) Emily & I were lucky enough to see not one, but TWO rainbows! We were also able to see one of them complete, from end to end. Still blazing strong as I pulled into the drive I had to get pictures. This is one of them...

Couldn't get a good enough angle to get the complete one and by the time I got home, the second one was fading and you couldn't really make it out in the picture.

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Also, as most of you know yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. We had our own little party on our partially completed deck. Chris said it was also Cindo de Roof is Done!

Me and Tori enjoying our Margaritas!

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Most recent progress on the deck photos.

The railing goes up...

Delmar & Chris working on the shingles. The roof is now complete.

Won't be long now and it will be complete. Still waiting on a call from the pool guy.

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Last week on garbage day I was sitting on my couch unable to do my weekly purge because of my eye patches so, I have spent a good portion of this morning cleaning out the garage from all of the construction leftovers and just plain trash. Tuesday is my cleansing day which also happens to be garbage day around here. I LOVE garbage day and always feel so good after purging the house, refrigerator, etc. of all things trash. It is usually also my day to go thru Emily's room and find all those bits of paper she just couldn't bear to part with :)

My sister, Lori and I used to talk after our weekly purge and compare notes on who thru away more that week. How I miss those talks.

Off now to work on the HUGE pile of leaves that are stuck between our shed and the house.

As I type...

it rains and rains and rains.....

But yesterday was nice and Emily got to wear her Sketchers outfit (awesome hand me down from our neighbor across the street). She looked so cute I had to take pictures. These were taken as she and Harrison were waiting for the bus.



For those of you who don't know, Harrison is Emily's future husband according to her. The other day, he was going in for the night and Emily was riding her bike home and she yelled over her shoulder, "Goodnight husband!"

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On another note, the deck is still progressing. The wood is down for the roof and we hope to get it shingled tomorrow...if it isn't still raining! The pool should be going in sometime next week. If only it were warm enough to swim.

Below: (1)Sal, Daryn and Amy's dad-Jack. Delmar was off buying more lumber...again!
(2)Delmar & Dan.

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I go back to the eye doctor this afternoon to do a recheck on my injury. Hopefully I can stop putting the medicine in. It is most annoying!

TGIF!!!!!!!!